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Better Not Be Talking To My Man

Ms.++Sosa%27s+group+at+Juarez+that+aims+to+help+teens+in+relationships
Ms.  Sosa's group at Juarez that aims to help teens in relationships

Ms. Sosa's group at Juarez that aims to help teens in relationships

Ms. Sosa's group at Juarez that aims to help teens in relationships

Ericka Pearson and Rosi Meraz

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loveMy boyfriend and I fight about dumb stuff.  He gets mad when I’m not texting back fast enough.  I get mad when he is lurking on social media.  We both get mad when one of us is not listening when the other person is talking.

I know we are not the only ones who go through this.  How can we solve this problem?

According to Ms. Chavez, a counselor at Juarez, “The key to an a successful relationship is through communication;  being comfortable telling him/her how you feel and opening up to him/her.”

When teens are angry or upset with their partners conversations can be hard.  Here are four tips from www.psychalive.org that can help you have a successful conversation.

  • Step #1 – Approach the conversation in a neutral way:  resist the urge to always be right.
  • Step #2 – Speak freely and get it all out:  Don’t be afraid to share embarrassing stuff.
  • Step #3 – Be a good listener:  Shut up and hear your partner out.  Let them know you are hearing what they say by repeating what they say back to them.  
  • Step #4 – Determine the reality:  Once you both share your true feelings you will be able to agree on what is real and what is not.

Jealousy is one of the most common problems in teen relationships.  One person gets jealous if his or her partner talks to or hangs out with another person; especially if it’s a person that is (if the couple is heterosexual) of the opposite sex.

According to Juarez counselor, Ms.Carbajal, “Everyone has friends of the opposite sex so you need to learn how to deal with it.”

One way to deal with jealousy is to communicate any feelings or fears with the partner before tempers flare.

Let’s take this hypothetical relationship of Maria and Juan.  They have been dating for a year. Maria is talking to a guy at her job. Juan gets mad at Maria for talking to him. Maria tells Juan that it’s just her friend from high school.  Juan tells her that she better stop talking to him or else he will break with up her.

Using the 4 steps method from above, Maria and Juan can try and fix this problem.

Step #1- Both Maria and Juan would have to stop beliving they are the  one who is right.

Step #2 – They should take turns sharing  how they feel even if it embarrassing.  Juan might share that his friends would think she is cheating on him if they saw her.  Maria might share that she feels angry when Juan doesn’t trust her.

Step #3 – Both should quietly listen to each other and repeat what they think they heard.

Step #4-  Now that they both can understand how each feels, Juan and Maria can agree on the reality of their situtation.  Maybe Juan doesn’t actually distrust Maria but feels like his friends are pressuring him to believe she is cheating.  Maybe Maria can understand Juan’s point of view and he can see how his actions make her feel angry.

If you have problems with your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Sit down, talk about it. Don’t just be angry.

 

 

 

 

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Better Not Be Talking To My Man